Have you ever experienced that feeling where you love someone soo much, you are excited to spend time with that person and also you are the most comfortable with that person, but you need to part due to some circumstances? In my case yes! I did experience but not with a person but with a place! I fell in love with a place and it is called Japan!
My biggest dream ever since my childhood is Japan! I love the country so much and wanted to live there. I don't know if I should call it luck or hard work! I got to live in Japan by getting an opportunity to work as data scientist for Rakuten, Japan. So, Tokyo is my home for the past two and a half years. The most unforgettable and happy phase of my life. Why do I love Japan so much? I just belong here!
I feel so alive in Tokyo. Even though I was living by myself, I enjoyed every moment and had good people around me. During my stay here, I found the better half of my life and now in few days, I'm getting married. I'm super glad and fortunate to have met him! After careful consideration, we decided to move to the place where he is based.
But then reality hit me hard! Even the slight thought that I will miss Japan causes pain and pain is more emotional. How can someone be attached to a country ?! Inspite of knowing that I will move out of the country for good ( I know it is for the 'best') before 8 months, I'm not able to accept it.
In fact, On the announcement of my marriage to my friends, they told " You would definitely miss Japan! ", Ofcourse after congratulating me. Everyone around me knew to that extent that I love Japan!
My throat dries and my eyes are filled with tears as I write this. There is a number of times where I used to go to the balcony and poured out seeing the road scene. I will miss my all-time balcony view. I literally used to hug the wall of my balcony and cry. Every day in the morning I asked sorry to my plants as I won't be there to water them anymore but I'm glad that they found a new home. I have so much attachment to my home in Tokyo. After every trip, when I reach my station 'Nishi kasai', I just feel so calm and get those homely vibes. Also, it was me who set up my home. Every person who had been to my home had told me that it is decorated well and pretty even though it is small. I bought each and everything and arranged it. Now, when I sell my things when things go one by one, it feels void. For the past two years, this home had seen me being happy, sad, and all kinds of emotions. It was extremely painful to leave my home, close the door and return the keys. The thought that I cannot enter my home anymore and it is just a house now.
I don't even want to talk about how much I will miss Rakuten. The dream company that I always wanted to work for. I learnt so much in this two years and elated to see how it has shaped up my career. I'm sure I will miss the Mt.Fuji view from my office!
Talking about Mt.Fuji, I remember that after agreeing to Gopi for the marriage, I cried to dad saying, "I can't see Mt. Fuji anymore, daddy". My dad replied, " We will move Mt. Fuji to Ireland ! Don't worry". I wish I had the superpower to do that. Every passing day, I realised that I was emotionally connected with Japan. I would have cried to Gopi a countless number of times that I would miss this country. Even though he cannot relate to Japan, he respected my love for Japan. Not even once he sighed!
Not only Gopi, but many people had asked me why I love Japan so much and what exactly I like about it? I always say that I just love everything about Japan. But if you ask me, why I will miss Japan? I have my answers, here are some of the things that comes to my mind.
1) The majestic view of Mt. Fuji
2) The freedom to travel to places on my own. It's because of the amazing train connectivity in Tokyo
3) The neon-lit skyscrapers in Tokyo, especially the dazzling Ginza and Odaiba!
4) The clean streets even in the absence of dust bins on the road
5) The freedom to walk even past the midnight
6) The intricate signboards that one cannot get lost
7) The automatic doors of the taxi
8) The heavenly feel I get when I use the Japan toilet seat
9) The pedestrian and the cycle track that is available almost on most of the roads.
10) the pedestrian crossing sound and tune for each train station
11) the Riverside walking area
12) The tori gates, the beautiful pagados and the red bridges which depicts the rich culture
13) The mouthwatering ramen and the Japanese curry rice
14) The bakery opposite my home - Its the place where I got breakfast for many days
15) Rakuten! - the best company I have ever worked for.
16) The bathtub and the bath bombs experience is like a mini heaven
17) The onsens and particularly the rotenburo experience
18) The beautiful manholes of Japan!
19) The way the things are wrapped when it is told that it is a gift
20) The way people bow to you ( that too when you are the customer, you will be treated as god)
21) The beloved buddha all around Japan
22) The intricate things like the rain pack bags given to the customer to save the purchased goods from rain
23) The queue that people follow for every single thing!
24) The punctuality of the trains!
25) The omotenashi of people. I'm always in awe when people help me so much, particularly when I ask for directions. There are a number of that the people had literally dropped me to the destination by walking along with me and once there was this Ojiisan who even told that he will throw the trash for me and took my empty water bottle with him on asking directions
26)The whole concept of getting things back when lost
27) The concept of Goshuin and all the pretty designs of it
and I could just go on listing it...
Japan means so much to me and I was literally romancing with Japan all the time! I don't know why I have this much craze for this country. If Japan was a person, I would have given a tight teddy bear hugs that would break the bones!
I feel like a mother abandoning her own child inspite of loving her/him so much! Probably this would seem as exaggeration but that's how I feel and I don't know how else to pen it up.
And amidst this ralley of emotions, there is this whole drama of preparations to be done while moving out of a country. I need to dispose off all the furnitures I have, pack my luggage and also also cancel all the utility subscriptions. I had a tough time calling each and every service such as electricity, gas, water, wifi, mobile, bank etc to close the accounts. Thank god! I can speak Japanese. I wonder what would have been my situation if I can't. It is quite exhausting!
I did most of the work by myself. I dismantled my bed, moved the washing machine, disposed my mattress and so on. I felt so happy when one of the buyers complimented me. He said " Did you move the washing machine by yourself?! You should be strong!"
I give a big heads-up that packing things while moving out of a country is not easy. It is very exhausting and overwhelming. Having limitations on the baggage to be carried, I need to prioritise what to carry and what not. I literally threw away bags and bags of things that were good and dear to me but just because I cannot carry. At the same time, I also wondered why I owned so many things.
Two of my very close friends helped me in packing and I couldn't have done it without them. One of my friends bought me dinner on the day of packing and came home to give it to me since she knew that I would be hungry. I also had the privilege to stay at friend's place during the last few weeks as I sold most of my stuff. Another friends of mine even helped me in picking up my huge packed bags from home and dropped me all the way to the airport. All of them made sure to give me a warm farewell as well. Seeing all these warm gestures, I'm sure I will miss them all and have earned friends for life!
So where is the closure to Japan? When will I get the closure? At some point I should be accepting, isn't it ?
I had a proper closure to japan three weeks back when I was preparing an album.The album runs through my life journey in Japan. I designed the album and selected the pictures that will go into it. I was in awe by seeing the number of places I visited in the past two years and the things I learnt and how my career shaped in Rakuten as well. I can boast that I have been to 36/48 prefectures and got to experience like a local in this short duration. When I saw the pictures from 2019 to 2021 all at once, I had the feeling that I had spent enough time here and I'm ready to go the next phase of my life but again today and in the last few days I feel emotional.
While I go through the cyclone of emotions, I just try to accept everything and move on only for one person - Gopi! I know that it will be all worth to take this huge decision for him in my life! Because having a good companion is very important. He always says that he is my best friend and then only husband!
I will be leaving Japan in less than 24 hours. For the first time, I ll purchase one way flight ticket to India. However, I'm always grateful to have had the whole unforgettable experience.
Even though my Japan home has become empty, somewhere in Ireland a new home will be built. A new home with more life and love and I'm looking forward to it! After all, letting go is a part of life. Caterpillars will have to vanish to become a Butterfly! Here I'm spreading my wings to fly to the beautiful next phase of my life and will become the new 'Kalyana ponnu' in the Chennai city! and then explore Europe with Gopi! On a recent call, he told 'Europe ungalai anbudan varaverkiradhu' for which I laughed hard. I realise that I'm entering into one of the most important phases of my life and I'm finally accepted that I'm leaving Japan. I'm excited to go back to my family with gazillion of memories to cherish and can't wait to get start the next phase of life.
Nevertheless some day, I'm sure that I ll visit Japan again with Gopi and my family, show them all around and say 'Natsukashii desune' !
(Natsukashii is a Japanese word used when something evokes a fond memory from the past )